Yardcare 101: A How NOT to Guide.

We’re a bit late getting to the lawn and garden this year. The house has been occupying the majority of our time as we prep the ceiling and the floors. So yesterday while it was a beautiful sunny 65 degrees out, we figured it was the perfect chance.

And then, as per usual, the unexpected happened. So I decided to post this handy dandy guide as a warning to others who might be working on their yards.

Step 1: Have your child dig holes in the yard.

“See, if you dig up the dirt with the baby rake like this, then I can sprinkle grass seed.”
“I’m just going to dig a mine over here like in Minecraft.”
“Okay but don’t dig your hole in the middle of the lawn.”
“But it’s not in the middle. The middle is somewhere over in that area.”
“Okay, you got me there kiddo. How about you don’t dig holes in the lawn at all.  Go dig in the dirt over by the garden area while I rake up the yard to get ready for grass seed.”

Two minutes later…

“I need something to cut and destroy this dead plant.” (as he comes out of the shed with my pruning shears, which, thankfully, are locked in the closed position.)
“Oh no. Not the shears. I’ll take those”
“These aren’t shears. I can’t even open them to cut this dead plant.” (puts the shears back out of frustration of not being able to open them)
“I’ll take care of the dead plant. Would you please go help your daddy?”
“Can I use this to get the plant?” (comes out with the hand weeder)
“Not that either. Now go inside and help your daddy.”

Step 2: Stop working because you found strange things

If I learned anything from Sesame Street, it’s that certain things belong in certain places and some things just don’t belong together at all.  Quietly sings, “Some of these things are not like the others. some of these things just don’t belong.”

On the list of “what I expect to dig up in my garden” are items such as leaves, bugs/worms, sticks, rocks, and roots.
What’s not on that list: shells (thankfully most of them have been small), rusted nails, unusual pieces of wood, concrete, and/or metal.

I’m just…so baffled.

I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll find body parts next. Yikes.

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